Who could forget their first few years of marriage? Those who went on and got a divorce I’d bet. The endless walks on the beach on our honeymoon, the fervent expressions of love, the unmistakable joy in our shared laughter all seemed to be picked from the pages of my favorite novel. However, I’ve always harbored an uneasy feeling about love. I kept thinking to myself that what we had was too good to be true. Seeing couples around us breaking apart, I also thought we wouldn’t last. True enough, I woke up from the trance later on to an obtrusively snoring sound beside me, the unnerving in-laws, and the wail of a hungry child – I could go on and on, but I’m pretty sure you get what I mean.
At that time, it was easier to pack up my things and leave. In the course of my frustration, I bumped into an old friend of mine and found myself pouring myself out on her over dinner. She, who had far greater experience than I, knew all the right words to say. We talked of God’s love, how He forgives and never fails to forget, how He should be the center of my marriage. We sat there talking about her Jesus, and she concretized every single fact I have been afraid to recognize. Right there and then, I realized I could well be the source of our constant misunderstandings. I understood I carried a lot of baggage being abused as a child – not necessarily the beaten black and blue, locked up in the closet, and starved for a number of days type, but verbal and emotional abuse can be as discomforting – but I didn’t understand until then the impact that had on our relationship. I had far too many expectations, knew far too many things, and denied far too many blunders. Although it might sound cliché, that night was all it took to change my life for the better.
If there is anything I learned in the process, it is in the following list:
- True love entails falling in love a million times with the same person.
Love like moving on is a decision. Sure there were days I asked myself at the peak of my vexation why on earth I decided to marry my husband (I’m sure you can relate with me on that sentiment). However, at the end of the day, we both try to set aside our resentments and compromise. The next day, we both decide to love each other again in spite of our differences.
- God doesn’t give you everything, or else where will you place all of it?
In terms of marriage, there is no perfect man. Do you think a good-looking, 7-digit earning, caring, understanding, faithful man who can never displease you exists? I’m sorry to break your bubble but they only appear in movies darling. For starters, both of you were born and raised by different sets of parents under different circumstances in life. There is no way possible that you find someone with the exact same interests and dislikes as you. All I’m saying is that there is no perfect person – you can only love an imperfect person perfectly. So look past the smear on his shirt or the inflection in his tone, find the man you fell in love with and choose stick to your vows and live it through.
For as long as you remember these, I’d bet your marriage will turn 36 in no time soon, just like we did.